


I Still Need You

by Rugs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Doctor/Patient, Gas-N-Sip (Supernatural), Gas-N-Sip Employee Castiel (Supernatural), Gen, Hospitalization, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27973663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rugs/pseuds/Rugs
Summary: TW: Suicide Attempt, Self HarmHuman Castiel couldn't stand human life anymore and decided to put an end to his misery. A last minute phone call decides his fate.Two endings: first one happier, second one sadderSong: Hold On by Chord Overstreet
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 20





	I Still Need You

6:37 am Thursday – Dean

Dean closes his laptop after jotting down an address on a post it note. He stands, shoving it into his back pocket along with his phone. He had spent the last half hour tracking down exactly where Cas had gone after he left the bunker. Dean still felt bad about that, but he needed Sam back, even if that meant sending his best friend away for a little bit. He rubs his eyes as he walks to the garage, keys held gently in his other hand. He unlocks the door to Baby, swinging it open and sliding in. He turns it on, stepping on the gas and driving off. He shovels his hand into his pocket, pulling out the note and holding it between his fingers as they rest on the wheel. He grits his teeth and sets off towards his angel.

-

7:14 am Thursday – Cas

Cas is opening up the little Gas-n-Sip, making his way through the aisles slowly. He checks the door, making sure it is still locked. Sighing, he walks back to the counter, grabbing a cheap knife from one of the stands. He twirls it in his hands, staring at it curiously. He frowns at the knife and then at his wrists, twirling the knife faster. He’s put off by its weight, but it will make do. He turns his head to the left, checking the lock once more. It’s another fifteen or so minutes before the gas station opens, just enough time to do what he needs to do. He wishes he didn’t have to do it here, but he’s done and has no where else to do it. He shuffles into the station’s bathroom, keeping his eyes on the ground. He closes and locks the door as a gentle song starts playing over the Gas-n-Sips station’s radio.

-

7:09 am Thursday – Dean

Dean flicks through the radio stations trying to find something good. He flies through Elvis, Taylor Swift, and Dave Matthews and continues for a few minutes. He settles on a random channel as a soft tune starts to pour out. He listens as he drives, a quiet yet rich voice pouring out of the radio. He pulls into the Gas-n-Sip parking lot at 7:16, right as the first few lines falls out.

_Loving and fighting…_

_Accusing, denying…_

_I can’t imagine a world with you gone…_

Dean closes his eyes after he parks, imaging his brother. One of the two things he can’t live without. The image of Sam fades and Cas steals his way into his mind. Dean sighs, memories of the angel flashing in the dark as the lyric wash over him. He turns the car off and rubs his face, vigorously wiping the memories away. He pulls out the keys and hops out of the car, striding towards the door. The lights are on, but no one walks around inside. He tugs at the handle, frowning down at it as it refuses to budge. He glances back up, his eyebrows knit as he scans the sign on the door. The store doesn’t open until 7:30. Dean shakes his head and walks back to the Impala, perching on the hood gently as he waits.

-

7:16 am Thursday – Cas

Cas slides down the wall, gripping the knife tight as he does so. His trench coat scrunches around his waist as he sits. His feet slide across the floor, squeaking gently. He flicks the knife open, staring at his wrists intently as a mellow voice drifts through the door to him. He feels tears start budding in the corners of his eyes as his mind latches on to the lyrics

_The joy and the chaos, the demons we’re made of…_

He grits his teeth, painful flashes of Dean blurring in his mind. He closes his eyes, feeling the cold metal bitterly cut into his flesh. He winces at the pain but continues. Sticky red spreads over his arm, dripping to the floor. He switches arms, feeling lightheaded already. His head lolls back exhaustedly. In a rush of panic, he fumbles for his phone, struggling to pull of the contact. Through blurry eyes he pulls of the app, clicking on the top name, one of only three or four numbers in his phone. He presses it, gripping the phone tightly and smearing blood on the screen. His head falls to the side gently, his eyes closed as the phone rings. The person on the other end of the line picks up.

Cas murmurs out a name, “Dean,” slipping through his lips.

-

Dean sits on the hood of his car, fiddling with his ring and his watch, waiting eagerly for the store to open. A little blue Volvo pulls up next to him, narrowly missing his swinging legs. A small brown-haired girl hops out of the car, a cigarette hanging loosely between her lips. She wrinkles her nose as she yanks the keys out of the car. She sways before she walks up to the door. Suddenly Dean’s phone rings and she glances at him like she just noticed him. He slides his phone out of his pocket, giving her a cheeky smile as he does so. He looks down at the screen as he hears her shove the keys into the lock. Dean frowns as he reads the name that has popped up on his screen. He picks up, lifting the phone to his ear as the girl shoves the door open. His heart drops in his chest as he hears a familiar voice mumble out his name. Dean’s heart freezes, trouble obvious in Cas’ voice. He listens closely, hearing the same song that had been playing in his car. The same song now pouring out of the Gas-n-Sip.

_I’d be so lost if you left me alone…_

He launches off of the hood, gripping his phone tight. He runs forward, shoving by the girl as she goes to close the door. She shouts at him, but he doesn’t hear her as the previously quiet song grows louder in his head. He looks around the store quickly before shouting into the phone. He hears the faint sound of his voice echo back and his eyes dart to the men’s bathroom. He quickly strides to the door, knocking heavily. With no reply, he gives the handle a quick twist, frowning when it doesn’t turn.

_You locked yourself in the bathroom…_

Dean takes a look at the flimsy lock before kicking the door. He kicks it four times before it crumples. He shoves it aside, his eyes dropping to the blood covered floor.

_Lying on the floor when I break through…_

Dean collapses to the floor, his jeans soaking up the blood, staining them red. He shouts at the girl trailing behind him. “Call 911, now!”

He tears off his shirt, ripping it into strips and binding Cas’ bloody wrists. Dean wraps his arms under Cas’ armpits, scooping him up. He swiftly tucks him in to a bridal carry, trying to hold Cas’ wrists above his heart. He swears as he shoves his way out of the bathroom, “son of a bitch.” He grips him tight to his chest hurrying to Impala. There’s no time to wait for an ambulance so Dean will take him to the hospital himself. He pushes through the store as the song echoes loudly in his head.

_I pull you in to feel your heartbeat…_

Dean fumbles with the back-seat door handle, kicking it open. He gently shoves Cas inside, resting his wrists against his chest. Dean hurries to the front seat, jumping in and cranking the engine. He tears out of the parking list, rushing for the closest hospital as he cries at Cas.

_Can you hear me screaming “Please don’t leave me”…_

-

Cas fades in and out. He hears the door crunch as it is kicked repeatedly. He feels rough fabric wrapped around his wrists before he is tugged to his feet and then scooped up. Cas can faintly smell Dean, sweat and beer invading his nose. He feels himself shoved into the Impala; the faint leather smell mixed with the harsh metallic scent of his own blood. He hears the song play as Dean seemingly screams along with it, choked on his emotions.

-

In less than five minutes, Dean has pulled up in front of the emergency room, the tires leaving skid marks as he brakes. He hops out, grabbing the keys and shoving them quickly in his pocket.

_Hold on, I still want you…_

He closes his door while opening the backseat, scooping Cas out quickly as time is of the essence. He slams the door shut and strides towards hospital’s automatic doors.

_Come back, I still need you…_

Dean carries his angel through, his eyes glistening with unfallen tears. He rushes up to the main desk where a nurse meets his eyes before dropping them to the limp body he holds. She shouts for a doctor as Dean stands shakily before her.

_Let me take your hand, I’ll make it right…_

Someone comes up to Dean, taking Cas from his trembling arms, and rushing off to a room. A herd of nurses follow, dressed in dark blue scrubs. Dean follows them in a state of shock. He mutters under his breath, “Cas, please I-… I need you.. I l-…”

_I swear to love you all my life…_

_Hold on, I still need you_

He trails off, his heart wrenching as he walks. He stares blankly at the door that they close in front of him. Lights flick on as they lay Cas on an operating table. Dean lets out a few heavy breaths, choking on the tears he doesn’t want to let fall.

_They took you away on a table_

Dean takes a few antsy steps back and forth before he starts pacing up and down the hall. He brushes by a few nurses, mindlessly walking as he tries to erase the bad thoughts. He scratches at the blood drying on his hands as he paces.

_I pace back and forth as you lay still…_

As he walks by the door again, he sees a doctor grab Cas’ shoulders and lower his head to his chest.

_They pull you in to feel your heartbeat…_

A nurse lightly grabs Dean’s arm, pulling him along to a seat near the door. Dean sits wearily, the dried blood on his knees flaking off onto the floor. He puts his head in his bloody hands, disrupting and smoothing his hair. He sits for hours, repeating the action until his arms are as numb as his mind. Tears lightly paint his face, glistening in the fluorescent lights.

-

11:37 am Thursday – Dean

A doctor comes up to him, a faint smile on his tired face. Dean hops up, swaying as he does so, all the blood rushing away from his head. The doctor lightly grabs his shoulder, giving it a squeeze before saying two of the most beautiful words that Dean had ever heard. “He’ll live.”

Dean lets out a massive sigh that is overwhelmed by a sob. He chokes down more tears and drops back into his seat. He leans his head back, finally letting his agitated mind relax.

-

**Alternate ending: Starting at _Tears lightly paint his face, glistening in the fluorescent lights._**

13:52 pm Thursday – Dean

Dean sits for another two hours before he sees the doctor and herd of doctors wearily shuffle out. The doctor scans the room for him before his eyes catch on him. He takes slow steps over to Dean as he stands. The man wears a somber mask as he walks up to Dean. “I’m sorry, we did everything we could.”

Dean stares at him, the song he has on repeat in his head stuttering to a halt. Tears build in the corners of his eyes and his sinuses fill with pressure. He lets out a choked sob, dropping his head into his hands. He lets it all out, tears flooding down his face as the doctor walks away. He weeps as his mind is consumed by blame. He knows this only happened because he kicked Cas out. He sits there and cries, mourning his angel and his best friend.

-

Cas died on a Thursday.


End file.
